you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
