At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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