I heard we made out
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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