Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
