your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
