That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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