Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
