Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
