you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
