once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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