You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
