We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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