I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this just has baby written all over it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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