I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
