I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
