At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I supernannyed him into submission
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
