Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
