Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
