Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
