Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
