I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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