i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
