We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
