It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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