Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
