He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
