Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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