he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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