I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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