called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
