What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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