Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
