the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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