this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
