you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
