saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
