Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
