My nipple is on Facebook.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden sheās a ābloggerā?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
