She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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