just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
