I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
