i permit you to call me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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