I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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