Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
