I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
