yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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