I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
