He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
