I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
