she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
