called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
