I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
