No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
