I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
