I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
