Do you still have your period?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
